Another Shooting Star

As most of you know, yesterday was the March for Life. We were all planning to go. Last year I had Katie in the stroller, and Miriam walked the whole way, the little trooper. I was going to take our parish's bus again this year. But I couldn't. Mr. Pickles went, but I stayed home and thought particularly about all the mothers who have suffered the loss of a child before it was born. I remembered those women who suffer every time they see a newborn. I thought of all the innocent babies who have died, including my own three.

Yes, three.

I had hoped to end our Christmas post with a little pic about our best Christmas present, which was going to be this:


But I just miscarried. Again. I actually expected it -- once again, I never really felt pregnant. It was also really early, about 5 weeks along this time. It still wasn't fun -- on Friday I felt like I was having postpartum contractions (Ibuprofen is my best friend). And I spent the weekend on the couch reading David Copperfield, and declared yesterday to be a pajama day. My attitude has pretty much been, well, here we go again, let's just wait for this to resolve itself so life can move on. My poor, wonderful, long-suffering husband -- he's been picking up the slack and making sure that the earth continutes to revolve (something I'm not sure about whenever I'm laid up). The girls can also tell that something's wrong -- Miriam has been especially clingy and in need of cuddles lately.

For us, it's starting to get frustrating. We can't help wondering, "How long, O Lord?" I'm so ready to hold and cuddle another squishy, sweet-smelling little bundle. But everytime we're tempted to be discouraged, we just look at Katie. Yes, we lost Gabriella, but if we hadn't, we wouldn't have gotten Katie, and all the joy and silliness she brings to our lives. We just can't imagine our family without her. So even though I've just lost two babies in a row, it's because God wants us to have another baby instead. We just need to be patient and wait.

A few weeks ago I asked Miriam what we should name the new baby. She promptly said, "Alice." (one of her favorite names for her imaginary friends) I haven't received any other inspirations, so in honor of Miriam, the Best Big Sister in the Universe (much better than I ever was), we named her little sister Alice.

In memory of all the mothers who have lost children, and all the children they lost, especially our angel babies Gabriella, Peter and Alice:

Dear God,
I wanted to hold my babies in my arms
and tell them all about You.
But since I can't,
will You hold them in Your arms
and tell them about me?



(photo credit: All God's Children by Dona Gelsinger)
(poem by Anonymous author)