January 2010That is, our marriage is. The day before Katie celebrated her birthday, Mr. Pickles and I celebrated our tenth (TENTH!)(!!) anniversary. When we were still engaged, one of my co-workers was celebrating his tenth, and I remember thinking, Wow, that's a lot of years. You're seriously grown-up when you've been married for a whole decade. I couldn't imagine what it would be like for Mr. Pickles and me to reach that point, and now here we are already! Both slightly further along the path to salvation, as God intended.
two yearsWhen Mr. Pickles and I got engaged, we both knew then that being married to each other was our best bet for getting to heaven. There was something about the other that inspired each one to want to be better persons -- to be worthy of such an amazing person. I discovered in myself hidden depths of humility (oldest child that I am), recognizing that my husband is a much better person than I am. More thoughtful, more considerate, more giving of self without complaint, more prayerful. I am still awed and humbled by his holiness -- I will never feel a worthy companion for him. There are so many, many times I know I fall short of the kind of wife he deserves: someone more cheerful, more generous, more self-sacrificing, more industrious than I am. But I believe God has given me to him for some mysterious reason, possibly to reduce his time in Purgatory by having to live with me. :)
Christmas 2002Or perhaps it's because my family of origin is intact, and that therefore the possibility of divorce is for me utterly unthinkable. Regardless of the reasons for a family's breakup, divorce does terrible things to children. They will carry the wounds from it for the rest of their lives. Add to that a father absent during crucial years in a boy's life, and you get a lot of deep-set fears and insecurities that will never really go away, because they are subconscious and beyond the control of reason. But I know I'm in this forever, for better or for worse -- and I believe that certainty has rubbed off a little onto him. Perhaps this certainty provides a security and stability he otherwise wouldn't have known, and that enables him to trust more in the goodness of God the Father, believing he is loved no matter what.
three yearsI know why God gave him to me: to inspire me to greater holiness by his example. This was one of the major things which first attracted me to him: seeing him praying in the chapel. So often in the evening now I notice him taking time for quiet prayer, while I am bustling around putting the house to bed. I feel a twinge of guilt, recognizing that I should be joining him, taking more moments like that to be still and reflect.
four years -- waiting for Katie!The other major thing about him which attracted me was his attention to people. When he looked at me while I was speaking to him, I always knew I had his undivided attention. Some people found it unnerving -- as if he were looking into their very souls. :) I liked it. It made me feel important enough to be listened to, a precious thing to me when he was one of the half dozen Most Eligible Bachelors on campus, and the (non-discerning) male:female ratio at the University was about 1:7. :)
five yearsHe is still this way -- taking the time really to listen to people, to reflect, to ask pointed questions. So many times I've watched him in conversation with people (especially on my side of the family) when he can barely get a word in edgewise, because he takes the time to reflect on what they've said before he responds. I've learned to give him time to respond when we're talking, because his thoughts are worth waiting for.
six yearsOur times for conversation have become rarer -- when the kids are awake the family activities revolve around keeping them warm, fed, and alive, and when they're asleep we're finishing up all the mundane household tasks that couldn't be done while we were making meals, teaching manners, and mediating squabbles. But every anniversary we try to take time away. Mr. Pickles really knows how to spoil me. Actually, he really has a gift for knowing how to honor an occasion that merits celebrating. We've been on a dinner cruise on the Potomac, we've stayed overnight at fancy hotels (with hot tubs in the room), and, most recently, flown to a semi-exotic location sans kids (well, we brought the baby, but he hardly counts).
'sup
seven yearsThat family has been the greatest of blessings to our marriage. We just really can't understand couples who choose not to have children. I think it was Kimberly Hahn who said she didn't realize how selfish she was until she got married, and then she didn't realize how selfish she still was until she had a child. I know that I am a better person for having had children -- I'm more willing to bear others' faults and slower to complain when things don't go my way. Having children really does mature you, because it makes you get over yourself and realize you're not really all that important -- except to a handful of people for whom you're the center of the universe. :)
nine yearsIt's been beautiful seeing Mr. Pickles with his children. He is so patient with them -- much more than I am capable of sometimes -- and loves to play with them and have fun. At first I used to resent the fact that Dad was always the fun one while Mom was the slave driver. But then I realized that he's so much better at the fun stuff than I am -- roughhousing and being silly and playing make-believe aren't work for him like they are for me. So now I'm content to be the rules enforcer in addition to primary baby snuggler. The role has its perks. :)
Of course we've had some rough patches -- it hasn't been a smooth climb to this point. It's more like a roller-coaster, alternating moments of emotional distance with intense unity. Even during the difficult times we're happy and hopeful, knowing that we've got a lifetime to try to perfect our marriage. We were blessed to have such an excellent marriage preparation, so we remember it and hold fast to the ideal of Christ's love for His Church. There is a crucifix hanging over our bed, to remind us that the more we try to resemble His self-giving love on the cross, the stronger and happier our marriage will be.
May 2010The thought of all the years ahead for us is exciting. I'm still learning more about my husband, and know that I will be until the end of our days together.
Ten Years and counting!I'm looking forward to the adventure. XOXO
