Thursday was a Calgon day. As in, "Calgon, take me AWAY!" That was the afternoon the girls spent shrieking at each other and fighting over toys. Part of the problem was that I couldn't give them a whole lot of attention. The Stack (meaning dirty dishes) was threatening to take over the house, so I had to beat it back into submission. While I was up to my elbow in suds, Katie had fun practicing her new favorite talent, shrieking at super-high frequency, while Miriam had fun practicing her old favorite, whining. By the time Greg came home I was ready to go postal. Even though we had a budget-planning meeting and/or trip to Ikea (we desperately need more bookcases!) scheduled for the evening, he suggested I take the night off before I murdered everyone in their beds. So he wrestled with the barbarian horde while I spent a peaceful, quiet evening all by myself. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I went to World Market (a really cool shop like a cross between Trader Joe's and Pier One) and then to Panera, where I enjoyed a vat of hot chocolate with whipped cream while I finished off another chapter of The Once and Future King. Equilibrium restored, I returned home (making sure to arrive well after I knew the girls MUST be in bed). I can't mention enough how much I love my husband -- he takes such good care of me!
It's ironic that the last couple days (yesterday had its moments too) have been so rough -- we had JUST had a discussion Wednesday night about discipline. (We're reading the Sears' Discipline Book & discussing it in increments.) The topic this week was spanking (which the Sears are dead set against), and discipline alternatives. It's funny to note that before we were married, we had agreed that spanking, within certain limits, would be an acceptable part of our discipline. Now that we've actually GOT kids, though, we've come to agree that spanking would NOT be a good punishment in our family, for many reasons. It just goes to show that you can have all kinds of good theories about something, but once you're faced with the reality of it, you realize you had no idea what you were talking about! I think the important point is that we both agreed beforehand about how we were going to raise our kids, even though that idea was bound to evolve.
Anyway, I suppose it's a good thing we had this discussion on Wed., b/c if we hadn't come to that consensus, I'm sure I would have beaten both of the girls several times by now! Instead, I've had to make an effort to understand them, sympathize with their plight, and come up with a creative way to encourage them to obey. The effort of so much creativity and patience is EXHAUSTING, especially now that we're dealing with two disciplinees. No wonder many parents resort to spanking -- it's SO much easier! :b I feel that using alternatives to spanking makes us better parents though -- the focus is on understanding and respecting our children's unique personalities, rather than trying to force them to conform to our wills.
Next week's topic will be Correcting Undesirable Behavior, one of which is whining. I'm looking forward to discussing that one!
Good point, Jenny! (Glad to see y'all posting again!) Matthew and I had a silly tiff over differences in homeschooling theory. Note the lack of children upon which to foist our educational philosophies! "Wait and see" is probably one of the best philosophies for potential anythings! =)
ReplyDeleteYou do have a gem of a husband -- he may be a candidate for sainthood! It's not just that he's so thoughtful and self-sacrificing at times like that, but also that he NOTICES so many things that just fall off many men's radar. Take good care of him!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that spanking has to be applied very selectively. It doesn't work with all children, and it is appropriate only in very limited circumstances, in my experience. The best advice I read on child discipline was by Dr. Dobson, in particular his The Strong-Willed Child. He maintains, and I agree, that spanking is really only appropriate when you are dealing with open, conscious defiance on the part of the child, even after you have tried many lesser penalties. That isn't a recurring problem in all children. But there are some who are willing to pay whatever price you exact and won't change their behavior. These strong-willed children have tremendous potential but it is essential that they learn to curb their wills when necessary. They have to learn that they don't make the rules. So in love, you have to use strong measures sometimes to convince them they can't always have their own way. But you have to control your own temper, which is a real challenge!
For sensitive children, often only the threat of punishment is enough to curb defiant behavior. I recommend counting down from three, as well -- the child knows exactly how far you will go before he is in deep trouble, and it isn't far. He doesn't have to know what will happen at zero -- only that he won't like it. It always worked really well for me -- as you may remember, Mrs. P.!
BTW, I'm tickled that you're reading The Once and Future King. I loved it passionately in high school -- it was my favorite book (until I read The Lord of the Rings) -- and a big reason you have the first name that you do! Incidentally, I believe the author is T.H. White. I don't think T.S. Eliot wrote any novels.
Eliot, White -- I knew it had a 'q' in there somewhere. And I love the fact that Guenevere goes by "Jenny"!
ReplyDeleteMiriam is one of those who do very well with counting down from 3. We use it often. It's amazing how fast she can move when just seconds previously she had SWORN she was WAY too tired to get up off the floor and put away her clothes. I remember being the same way -- just the threat of punishment (I distinctly remember Mom B reaching for the "swat stick") was enough to inspire instant obedience. It's that whole tension thing -- I just can't handle it!
I think we'll need to read Dr. Dobson's book -- Katie is looking to be a prime candidate for the label "strong-willed".
What?!? Only approximately 3,947 reasons? I thought for sure that I was over 4,000.
ReplyDeleteI am shamed, and I hereby sentence myself to a week of mortification by drinking hot chocolate and receiving foot massages.
You will be dealt with shortly.
ReplyDelete