Modern Day Monopoly

Mrs. Pickles and I recently picked up a copy of the boardgame Monopoly. We decided that it was important for our children to learn how to crush and dominate their foes, and boardgames are a necessary first step.

During a recent game (in which I was crished and humiliated by my wife), we couldn't help but notice the old-time feel of the game. All of the cards had pictures that illicited images of the 1930s and 1940s. We thought that the game could use a little updating, so we decided that to offer a few suggestions to the people at Milton-Bradley on some new Community Chest and Chance cards.

• Tenant left cigarette butt in trashcan. All houses and hotels burn down in one set of property.
• Rat infestation, slum lord pays exterminator fee of $200 (this one could be set aside for Baltic Avenue)
• Crack bust in hotel, pay lawyer fees.
• Bribe local elected offical to change zoning laws. Pay $500.
• Won clas action lawsuit. Collect $.03. If you were a lawyer on the case then collect $1,000,000.
• Trip over sidewalk. Sue all other players and collect $200 from each.
• Hillary Clinton elected president. Redistribute all wealth evenly.
• Clinton elected for a second term. All of your property is confiscated for the sake of the common good.

More modern cards may be added as our collective brains think up more of those crazed ideas that come to us in the wee hours of the night.