...except biology

a quote from my daily calendar for Moms:
"There is nothing to suggest that mothering cannot be shared by several people. -- H.R.Schaffer"

What annoys me about statements like this is that it seems to say that mothers are replaceable -- that there's not really anything so special about the mother-infant bond that can't be duplicated by just about anyone else. When Miriam was a baby I somehow got a free subscription to American Baby magazine (which I dubbed "American Fluff Baby magazine" -- it never really had anything terribly new or important to say -- mostly just advertisements). In one issue there was a breastfeeding vs. formula debate article, wherein the woman on the formula side was trying to argue that parents ought to share equally in all aspects of parenting. Supporters of breastfeeding like LLL often point out that Mom breastfeeding doesn't exclude other family members from helping to take care of the baby -- Dad or Grandma can diaper, dress, burp, bathe, snuggle and play with the baby -- the only thing they CAN'T do is breastfeed. But this woman dismissed all that, saying the one who does the feeding is really the only one that matters to a baby. Therefore, she chose NOT to breastfeed her son so that both she and her husband would have equal importance in baby's eyes.

There just seems to be something so wrong-headed, and confused, about this. Mom and Dad can't be equal in baby's eyes: they're too different. They look different, they sound different, they smell different, they feel different. No amount of denial by an androgynous society can alter that. I wish I could say to this woman, don't try to sell yourselves short: don't deny your son the experience of mothering and fathering, or yourselves the experience of motherhood and fatherhood. And who says that it's a good thing to try to be totally equal in baby's eyes? For one thing, this is his first exposure to the differences between maleness and femaleness -- don't try to confuse him by pretending there aren't any. In my experience, moms are good at snuggling, dads are good at playing. That doesn't suggest that each can't do the other, but that this is what they're best at. Relish your roles.

In a sense, Schaffer is right that some of the duties of motherhood can be shared by others, and in fact, they must in order to keep the mother from going insane! But a baby only has one mother. Don't insult her by saying she's replaceable. Six months is so short -- let Mom relish the precious time she has to be the most important person in the world to her baby.