...except biology

a quote from my daily calendar for Moms:
"There is nothing to suggest that mothering cannot be shared by several people. -- H.R.Schaffer"

What annoys me about statements like this is that it seems to say that mothers are replaceable -- that there's not really anything so special about the mother-infant bond that can't be duplicated by just about anyone else. When Miriam was a baby I somehow got a free subscription to American Baby magazine (which I dubbed "American Fluff Baby magazine" -- it never really had anything terribly new or important to say -- mostly just advertisements). In one issue there was a breastfeeding vs. formula debate article, wherein the woman on the formula side was trying to argue that parents ought to share equally in all aspects of parenting. Supporters of breastfeeding like LLL often point out that Mom breastfeeding doesn't exclude other family members from helping to take care of the baby -- Dad or Grandma can diaper, dress, burp, bathe, snuggle and play with the baby -- the only thing they CAN'T do is breastfeed. But this woman dismissed all that, saying the one who does the feeding is really the only one that matters to a baby. Therefore, she chose NOT to breastfeed her son so that both she and her husband would have equal importance in baby's eyes.

There just seems to be something so wrong-headed, and confused, about this. Mom and Dad can't be equal in baby's eyes: they're too different. They look different, they sound different, they smell different, they feel different. No amount of denial by an androgynous society can alter that. I wish I could say to this woman, don't try to sell yourselves short: don't deny your son the experience of mothering and fathering, or yourselves the experience of motherhood and fatherhood. And who says that it's a good thing to try to be totally equal in baby's eyes? For one thing, this is his first exposure to the differences between maleness and femaleness -- don't try to confuse him by pretending there aren't any. In my experience, moms are good at snuggling, dads are good at playing. That doesn't suggest that each can't do the other, but that this is what they're best at. Relish your roles.

In a sense, Schaffer is right that some of the duties of motherhood can be shared by others, and in fact, they must in order to keep the mother from going insane! But a baby only has one mother. Don't insult her by saying she's replaceable. Six months is so short -- let Mom relish the precious time she has to be the most important person in the world to her baby.

Miriam vs. Dad--Round 1: Candyland

A couple weeks ago, Miriam played a fun game of Candyland with her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Pickles. Miriam played the game very well and nearly soundly beat her parents. She moved the pieces as required, usually needing some guidance by her parents, and she seemed to have a very good time playing the game. She understood the general rules as laid down by her parents, and she often vocally announced who's turn it was to draw a card. Mrs. Pickles also had some success playing a memory/matching game that Miriam's Godmother gave to her.

Reflecting upon all of this, Mr. Pickles said to himself, "Well, she has done well with those two games. I'm sure that she'll do well with another game of Candyland," and he attempted to play with her again. Bzzzzztt!! Mr. Pickles was wrong.

The initial suggestion to play was enthusiastically received. Good. A success. We started off the game with Miriam trying to grab each of the playing pieces (gingerbread-man shaped plastic pieces) for herself. I gently explained that each player only has one playing piece, and for her Daddy to play he needed to have one of the pieces. She gave one man to me and placed the rest in the box. Hurrah, a second success! Unfortunately for the reigning mathematician of the family, the original order gave way to ..., well, something that doesn't resemble a game of Candyland as envisioned by its creators. Here's the exchange that occurred within the first 5 minutes.

Miriam, drawing a card: "O.K. It's Miriam's turn. PURPOLLLL!!! (purple) Now it's Daddy's turn."
Daddy draws a card after Miriam moves her piece.
Miriam: "Daddy gets a BLUUUUUUE!!" She exclaims as she jumps up and down, dancing around the table.
Daddy: "Now it's Miriam's turn to draw a card."
Miriam: "ORANNNNGE!!! I put my man right there," and she places her piece on an orange spot near the game's goal.
Dad: "Miriam, look over here. (pointing at her original purple spot) Where's the next orange square after your starting spot?"
Miriam: "I put my man right there." Placing her piece on another orange spot that's still far removed from her original spot.
Dad: "Miriam, look between these two squares. Do you see an orange square between them?"
Miriam: "Yummm. I like chocolate."
Dad, growing a bit impatient, and pointing to the correct spot: "Miriam, put your piece right here."
Miriam: "I eat all the cookies. Um-num-num, um-num-num!" And her little gingerbread-man proceeded to cannibalize the gingerbread forest.
Dad, with uncontrollable humor in his voice, begins to raise its volume, as if a louder voice will help with comprehension: "Move your piece here. (snicker) This is where your piece goes! (now laughing out loud) Move it there!"
Miriam: "I go down the chocolate slide. Weeeeeeeee....!"

So Dad gives in and decides to join in the Gingerbread Giants' feast, and we each take our turns devouring the candied beavers of Peppermint Forest. ("It's your turn Daddy. Ask for a turn. O.K. Go ahead. (after 15 seconds) Now it's Miriam's turn. Um-num-num. Mmmm. It's good!")

Observations and Lessons learned from this encounter:
1.) Early success does not imply future success.
2.) Patient endurance attaineth all things--even a 3-year-old's dedicated attention to a game. So we'll try again in the near future.
3.) When you are soundly beaten (as in all attempts to play the game have no effect), just give in and have fun. Fun is the point of a game like Candyland.
4.) The Candy King looked exceedingly happy considering that two giant Gingerbread Men were devouring his home.

Sigh, end of round one. Miriam: 1. Dad: 0.

A to Z by Sandra Boynton and Miriam

[This is Miriam's version of a fun alliterative alphabet book.]

B fo' Baby!
Cats Ca-leaning.
Dinosauw Dancing. D is fo' DADDY!
E is fo' EDY!
Foggies Fwowning [said with a grumpy face]
G - Gophas Gwinning -- happy gophas!
"hay" -- Hippos Hiding [holds book up and peeks around it]
I - Guanas Itching. Dey need some lotion.
C - Owl Op'ing. ["opening"]
Mama, it's a quiet lion? It's going to wo'k. [the "Lion Leaving" is carrying a briefcase -- and not roaring]
Moose Mowing - M is fo' MEENUM!!! M fo' Mommy.
Nigulls Nesting. ["Nightingales"]
Wabbits WUNning! Dey go fo' a li'l walk.
Penguins Painting Penguins Painting Penguins Painting!
Ugeebodes being UGWEE ["uglybirds"]
Weaso whissing whhh whh whh ["weasel whistling" - followed by her blowing]
Z - Zebwa zigzag zigzag!

A Little Potty Humor ... (?)

Miriam is now essentially potty trained. Most of these anecdotes occurred during the potty training process.

We place some toys near Miriam's little potty so that she'll have a little something to play with while she's doing her thing. One of the items is our old phone, and, true to her gender, that phone is one of her favorite toys. She carries on many conversations with different people: people such as her Aunt Michelle, Grandma, Edy, Aunt Rachel, Daddy (usually when he's at work, and sometimes when he's at home), Mommy, and--when she gets a hold of my wallet--Time Life Books (o-kay, so I made up the last one). Here's a sample conversation:

Hi. Oh hello Aunt Michelle. Uh-huh. Yeah yeah. Ummm..., no? Uh-uh. O-kay. Ba-bye.

or

Hello? Oh, hi Aunt Rachel!! Ummm..., not bad. You? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (Moderate laughter). That's right. That's right. Yeah. Sha shew shwah. She shes shaw she shaw me mo. Bear go pee-pee on my lap. Alright, bye (with a happy voice)!

Miriam has quickly learned to interpret her the signals that tell her when it's time to head to the bathroom. Sometimes she'll be sitting on a chair, reading a book, and singing a song when she'll suddenly stir. It's funny to watch her do it. Imagine a blond little 2-year old sitting down and singing any myriad of words to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” when she suddenly stops, ..., hurtles herself out of her chair and runs into the bathroom. The door slams shut. There's more singing, and about 60 seconds later we hear this little voice saying, “Mommy! I went pee-pee!!” or “Hooraaayyy!!! I did it! I used the potty!!” It's hilarious to watch, so we wanted to share the image with you.

Miriam has also become quite independent. Sometimes, as she hurtles herself out of a chair and runs down the hall, Mr. or Mrs. Pickles might follow her to see if she needs any assistance. When she sees us she'll say, “Uh, no no. I need some pivacy (privacy).”

Let it snow let it snow let it snowwwww........

While Miriam & I were enjoying a late breakfast (10:30 -- it was one of those mornings), she kept trying to grab my attention. (I was absorbed in Tristan and Isolt -- ripping good story, btw.) She finally got it when she pointed out the window and said, "Mommy, look, SNOW!" And sure enough, there it was, drifting down pretty thickly. VERY exciting moment in the Pickles household. The next words out of her mouth were, "Can I wear my boots?" She's been BEGGING us to let her wear her snowboots since about, oh, August. Since the baby was asleep we decided to seize the moment and go outside for a little bit. Miriam was in her element. Every five seconds she would say, "Ooh!" or "Whoa!" or "Wow!" or any number of expressions of surprise and wonder. I would have enjoyed it more if it hadn't been so dang COLD! Later that afternoon I let her play in the backyard while the baby & I watched her from the warm indoors. :) I had given her a bucket and a cup, but then she asked for a plate and a spoon -- and proceeded to have a snow tea party. :)


our little snowbunny

We followed that up with a hot cocoa party -- she thought that was all right!

Which Monarch ... ?

Finally, in following my wife's post, I've finally taken the quiz: "What Monarch Are You?"


Edward
IV

You are loyal and down to earth. More than that, you are a hard-headed realist. You take the facts, and you go with them. You don't try to change what is, just like Edward IV, who never lost a battle, even when greatly outnumbered. You excel on your own mind and on your own heart. Keep your level head, and keep being aware. You rock!

Now that Christmas is officially over...

I can't believe we forgot to post some Xmas pictures!

This is one of the things Mrs. Pickles enjoys about having 2 girls right away -- matching outfits! :)

our two elves

Miriam building the tower of Barad-Dur with Grandpa (note the eye on top).



The littlest party animal (she's what's known in the parent world as "milk drunk").



A Christmas visitor...



Miriam was freaked out by this thing right outside our kitchen window, so Grandma explained that the possum was more scared of her, since to it she was big and scary. Of course, that idea really took hold, so now she goes around saying, "I'm big and scawy!" We tried to convince her that's she really little and cute, but so far she'll only admit that she's "big and scawy and coot!"

Hope everyone had a blessed Christmas, and that your New Year is going well so far!

some new pics and ME quote

Cutie Katie


Katie's 1st piano lesson


How can this possibly be comfortable?

We also added another newborn picture to the "Our New Daughter" post.


And the quote of the day from Miriam:

Miriam: performing her usual mealtime silliness, this time pretending to devour her fingers
Daddy: explaining the use of a straight jacket to Miriam
Mommy: "Miriam, can you say, 'looney'?"
Miriam [indignantly, all in one breath]: "I'm NOT looney I'm Meenum I'm big and scawy and cute!!"

I've always liked the name Eleanor...

Take the quiz: "What Historic Woman Are You?"

Eleanor of Acquitaine
One of the first great queens of England, Eleanor was her own woman. She married the French prince at 14, but after six years of marriage and no son, she divorced him and secretly married the younger (and wealthier) heir to the English throne. Her sons were some of the greatest monarchs in English history! You must be tenacious, audacious, and brave if you're like Eleanor. Read more about her: http://www.womeninworldhistory.com/heroine2.html

(thanks to Barbara Nicolosi for linking to this quiz on her blog)

Katie's baptism day

Here's a picture of Katie on her baptism day, Dec. 19. She's wearing a baptism dress that is almost 100 years old -- it was first worn by her great-great-grandmother Margaret in 1909.


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